Some of the most encouraging marriage advice I ever received wasn’t taught in a lesson, in a classroom, through a sermon, or even during a serious sit-down conversation.

The best marriage advice I find comes simply from watching couples live their life together.

My grandparents were the couple who I aspired to be one day. The way I watched them interact, from doing the dishes to leading a church service, folding laundry to arguing, everything they did was surrounded by love–their love for God, and for each other.

One day, as I rode in the backseat of my grandparents’ treasured Buick, my grandfather looked back and asked me,

Carrera, How Much Do You Think It Cost Me To Marry Your Grandmother?

Of course, I had absolutely no idea. I also didn’t know exactly what he was referring to. They had already been married for 48 years, and based on my family history, it wouldn’t surprise me if he had had to pay a dowry for her, or exchange a goat for her hand in marriage. But without missing a beat, my grandfather simply said:

“Two Dollars”

That’s right. He paid two dollars for the marriage license. As my grandma laughed in the front seat next to him, he grabbed her hand and said, “It was worth every penny!”

Then he promptly turned back to me to say, “And I’ve been paying for it ever since!”

The True Cost of Marriage

What I learned that day was so much more than the simple cost of a marriage license back in 1962. What I learned was something far more valuable

The true cost of marriage is much greater than a person could ever spend–it requires a lifetime of devotion, dedication, prayer, love and sacrifice.

But the reward of a good, solid marriage is priceless.

Too often, it seems like marriage is the goal for so many people. It is as if their life is incomplete until they get married. What I have learned (though my own life and marriage, and through observing so many others) is that marriage is not the end goal. A person should already have a completed life on their own before they get married.

What does this mean?

The person you marry will not complete you, but they will complement you.

In marriage, two halves do not make a whole. Each person cannot simply give 50% of their effort into the marriage to try to reach 100%, that simply will not work.

Instead, both people should put in 100% of their efforts to the marriage.

Now let’s be real about life–sometimes we do not have 100% to give. Sometimes we do not even have 50% to give. But this is where the beautiful aspect of love and grace come in to the marriage. This is where we look at our spouse and say “I know you are going through a difficult time right now, we will get through this together.”

Marriage is a Marathon

Marriage is not a sprint, but a marathon. For any of you who have endured the difficulty and pain of training for long-distance races, there are times when you just want to give up. There are times when you feel like you simply cannot go on any longer. There are times when your muscles are sore and tense, and you just want to give up.

But do you just stop? Do you give up in the middle of the race when it gets painful?

No! Now, you may have to stop and walk for a few feet, or even for a few miles. There are times when you need to take time to rest or hydrate before you continue on. There are times when you need to stretch, recenter and refocus so you can get back out in the race, but you do not simply give up because it is hard–you endure and overcome.

The best part about marriage is this–you are not alone.

When life gets increasingly difficult, when you encounter busy seasons at work, when you endure hardships with extended family or friends, when a loved one is sick or you encounter situations that cause such great grief you are not able to be fully present in order to take care of yourself–you have someone there for you.

Finish the Race

Marriage is a marathon that you run together. Sometimes, both of you are running. Sometimes, you both have to stop and walk. Sometimes, one of you has to carry the other for a short time. Sometimes, you both find yourselves crawling too.

The key is: you do not run the race alone–and you cross the finish line together.

Marriage can be difficult, and that is because life is difficult. No matter how steep the cost of marriage can seem, remember that the reward of marriage is priceless.

Join the family. Subscribe today!

Email Address*

Name*