Seasons of Love
It’s Valentine’s Day, and I would like to take a moment to talk about the one person whom you made a commitment to give all of your love and attention…but is probably getting only a fraction of what they actually deserve.
That’s right…Your Spouse.
For anyone who has been married for more than two weeks, and who has responsibilities (known as life), chances are the attention you were once able to completely devote to your significant other suddenly became quite difficult to summon once you both came back from the honeymoon (for those of you who were lucky enough to have one, #militarylife).
What Changed?
Isn’t that the question? How was it that I was able to talk to my husband on the phone for 4 hours every night while we were dating, but now after almost six years of marriage, I can’t even keep my eyes open long enough to hold a conversation before we go to bed to talk about how our days went.
Before we had a baby, how was it we could ever go to a restaurant at 8pm (8 o’clock at night!) and enjoy a peaceful, quiet dinner and not even think about going to sleep until midnight.
How is it that now, even having dinner at 5:30pm, we still can’t seem to find the energy to try to sneak out of the house for a date, or even go upstairs to watch a tv show because of our ever-changing sleep and waking schedules with the little one?
The simple answer to this is probably not what you think it is.
Often, when I hear couples get in to this rut, they immediately assume the answer is simple–it is their partner who has changed.
But what if it was something else entirely?
Seasons of Love
What if it is neither of you who have changed, but simply the circumstances in which you have had to adapt and overcome?
We can’t all live in a dating-and-honeymoon phase, but this doesn’t mean that marriage has to be all-work either. Sometimes, life just throws you some crazy (I mean really, who could have seen a global pandemic coming?).
When we get married, we assume that our spouse will our person. They will be the steady rock who will remain our anchor and our fortress in the greatest struggles of life.
But people are less of an immovable object, and more like an unstoppable force…
Life may change, and sometimes, we have to change with it.
Marriage is a Marathon
Not every season of life is challenging, but there are some seasons where it can be. We don’t necessarily think we are changing, but sometimes we do have to rise to the occasion to overcome what is before us.
And sometimes, that means changing thing we never thought we would have to–like our once-steady hopes and dreams, and sometimes even our fears and insecurities change amidst new challenges too.
But marriage is less about loving your never-changing partner in difficult circumstances, than it is about loving your ever-changing relationship to get through these circumstances.
Some seasons are difficult. Sometimes, one partner has to work while the other recovers from a medical ailment, or one partner sacrifices their career to remain at home with the children so the other can advance their career.
What helps us get through these times is remembering that what we are going through is not forever.
The only thing that is forever is the union between you and your partner.
Deployments are not forever. Going to college or school is not forever. Being a stay-at-home parent is not forever. Being in a difficult financial situation is not forever. Being in debt is not forever. Being away from family is not forever. Being distant from each other (both physically and emotionally) is not forever.
How do you measure a year?
525,600 minutes. That is how much time we have in a year.
The song “Seasons of Love” says it all. In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights or cups of coffee, in inches, in laughter, in strife, in journeys to plan — how do you measure the life of a woman or a man?
Measure your life in love. Measure your life in the time that you spend with one another. Remember the love you had when you first met, first started dating, and consider how much you have been through together as well.
And most of all–be grateful for one another. I am not the woman I was when I married my husband, and that is a good thing!
